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lucas with the lid off |
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Sunday, January 23, 2005 |
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As i had my vehicle mired for the second time in three days over the past week, i stared glumly at the brown-greyish mud-clay mixture which i was ankle-deep in, and the neurons and grey matter in between my craniums electrified and started racing. I mean, i hadn't sleep for 30 hrs, but the road ahead flashed past my mind's eye. What was i going to do after i had chucked these green fatigues aside? Eight months to mess around. I am inexplicably at an impasse. So many things to choose. Time to kill. Argh.
During my last cos duty(yeah! ORD!) i was browsing around the mindef eforums and got around to reading a heated debate concerning the conviction of the four commando officers. The centre of the whole online argument was if TNP was right in portraying the captain as a fallen hero, and despite his sentence, still an exemplary soldier despite him being involved with the soldiers death. The general conclusion was that while he had not directly dunked anyone he was still the supervising officer, and was still responsible and liable for the death. Therefore him being charged with abetting to cause death was not wrong. But then why the whole hullabaloo about Pandiaraj being a model officer and outstanding regular? Was it to restore confidence in a largely conscript armed force? The people's army, our army, needed a bolstering of assurance. Then TNP, was doing mindef a favour in giving it a PR boost. But image and the public's concern will always be secondary, as one posted, to the army's operational demands and requirements, given Singapore's geopolitical milleu. And I find this to be especially true. Singapore's armed forces, while acting as a deterrent, still has a very serious role to play regionally and internationally. The SAF isn't just a display of people power or the result of a semi-totalitarian state-controlled dictate, but a full-fleged and capable force that can, at the very least despite all it's inefficencies and bureaucratic red-tape, do something lest terrorists knock at our doorstep. And while such unfortunate lapses occur during peacetime training, there is no reason to back down on our army. Yes, i know i've been bitching about how the SAF is a big joke and scam, but truth be told who else are you gonna call on when the situation arises? Think about it. Anyways after alex's birthday lunch at seoul garden the whole bunch of us trooped over to kino, where i picked up a copy of sylvia plath's Ariel. Scathing and lyrical at all once, you feel her pain and anguish in the last days of her life, a life lived tenuously and fraught with much emotional turmoil. Each line comes distilled as a glittering shard of scathing indictment of a life that longed for greater things. What will strike you most is her utter wish for self-anniliation. Her poetry is powerful for that very reason - her scars become so palpable they almost become yours. The woman is perfected Her dead Body wears the smile of accomplishment, The illusion of a Greek necessity Flows in the scrolls of her toga, Her bare Feet seem to be saying: We have come so far, it is over. Each dead child coiled, a white serpent, One at each little Pitcher of milk, now empty She has folded Them back into her body as petals Of a rose close when the garden Stiffens and odors bleed From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower. The moon has nothing to be sad about, Staring from her hood of bone. She is used to this sort of thing. Her blacks crackle and drag. Edge Sylvia Plath Posted by lucasho @ 1/23/2005 09:13:00 pm
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Sunday, January 02, 2005 |
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happy christmas and a merry new year.
The end of last year offered many surprises, revelations and epiphanies. The tsuinami served to remind us that we have nothing certain in our inconstant existence execept death. Natural disasters are something we have become so desensitised to. But God is speaking to us people! Listen. I think it's been great that the slr and countdown0405 and yaf placed me in a highly introspective mood for the year-end. I've realised, like dear sister Cheryl has, it is sometimes impossible to fathom God's purposes in our lives. His ways are higher than ours. All is required is a little faith(just about the size of a mustard seed) and an utter relinquishment of control over our lives. Surrender to His pure, perfect and pleasing will. And it will be well with your soul. I'd been bitter a long time. I wondered why the environment and conditions that I was made to work in for the past year or so had been so harsh and unforgiving and completely lacking in compassion. I struggled deeply, seeing my life fade away and disappear, and turned cynical and apathetic. Days were wasted, and I was punished out of proportion for my propitations. The acrimony and hostilities left me embittered and resentful. I think only a few know what i mean. But above all i now know that it was useless to wallow in my sorrow. God is sovereign, and thru it all He has carried me to 2005. All the crap i was put to hasn't killed me, but made me stronger. Maybe i've gained this perspective cos i'm leaving soon,(ORD!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!) but i think with all the ruminations and reflections on life served to put everything in place for me. I'm ready to serve God. I feel him tugging at my heart. 2005. The year's all Yours, God. Posted by lucasho @ 1/02/2005 07:50:00 pm
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