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lucas with the lid off |
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Sunday, August 29, 2004 |
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this coming weekend it's army open house. so i expect long hot hours sitting around at a live-firing range, meals by kfc and pizza hut which i will probably stop eating after the 2nd day for fear of constipation and serious damage to my digestive system, and crazy kids screaming to blank-faced sweaty safety specs who have had to contend with a million others like them.
Plus for last week i had to shoot a safety video. You know, this is how you put on your ear plugs! This is how you wear your helmet! Don't worry the safety specialist will load and cock the weapon for you just take a deep breath and shoot the pre-zeroed weapon which you cannot traverse since it's all chained up for safety reasons! And all this is done so you know how to handle the weapon and you can't say you don't cos if you do it's not the army's fault it's wholly yours we've got our ass covered! Pretty tiring and repetitive. Plus i had to work with a kid actor. I mean he's alright and not some pampered brat but still. Having to come back to the range on a sunday just to get a clip down on celluloid to indemify the army isn't greatly appreciated. But though the entire prep was tough it had it's enjoyable moments. My OC chucked his canon powershot A40 into my hands and asked me to snap away. Which i gleefully did. So i did get a few good digital shots. And those crazy city beat hosts vincent ng and jamie teo came down to shoot a segment for their programme and do some promo. The media blitz was more than welcome. Of course i'd rather be doing something less stressful and one that doesn't require me to put on helmets and ear-plugs, like the chip up challenge or the adventure land that my bro has the good fortune of getting involved in. Other than all that i need to sit down for a while and dream it all up again. Because frankly i've had enough of aloe vera yougurt and watching the ashlee simpson show on mtv(ok maybe enough of the show but not enough of ashlee). Plus i've got six months before i chuck aside my green fatigues. Soon. Posted by lucasho @ 8/29/2004 09:04:00 pm
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004 |
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It's crystal clear. One
last breath, then dive into the stream of conciousness. Posted by lucasho @ 8/25/2004 05:41:00 pm
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Sunday, August 15, 2004 |
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the other night during the battalion river crossing exercise held up north at sarimbun, i found myself parked less than 50m from a gate leading to the sarimbun scouts camp. The floodlights were switched on, and a loudspeaker was blaring, someone's irritatingly sqwaky voice screaming, "COME ON! I NEED ANOTHER GUY!"
The mirth and laughter drifted gently over, carried by the evening zephyr. Young punks, i thought, as i wiped the dust from my brow with a sweaty sleeve. But their joyful playfun yanked me back to a time when i myself had jumped around carefree in those compounds. When i was still a teenager, and youth camps were anything but. When i sat down at the feet of well-intentioned teachers to listen to bible stories; and knew nothing of the rat race, coital vs vaginal, new-age psychotherapists, the missionary position, antiestablishment demonstrators, Deep Throat, existentialist philosophy, dopamine, P2P on the internet, Durex and the dark side. When i was ignorant of the amazing ability of humankind to corrupt itself utterly and completely. Where the desire to live for yourself subsumes all. When friendships and relationships, and lovers and friends and enemies, and the vaccum of socitey bite off a piece of you and paste it back together with some blutack and saliva. Eventually you start to do likewise, and find that the taste of your own flesh lies somewhere between fish liver, cow dung and caviar. Nothing else mattered back then but to be happy and be happy with other happy people. The beginning of conciousness and the conciousness of conciousness didn't have much of a impact on my devleoping cranial gray matter. When faith was wholly devoted, and devotion was selfless. I had not come under the delusion of allusion, and my pretty pink phyzog still unblemished. The back of my eyes seemed like they were being stung by a million needles, and a lump the size of a golfball formed at my throat as i stared into the scout camp and continued to hear a meaningless ditty, being sung by youthful voices with a vigour that i had lost. Lost while i had downed one too many glasses of borborn coke and rapsberry vodka and micturated milk. Lost while i snorted the intoxicating esctasy of senseless sayings, carnal procurements, godless dogmas and selfish abandon. After all this time, after so long, it hasn't been two decades of nothing. But it's utimately it's been unilluminable. Two decades of 'so what?' and 'yeah ... ok...'. There's been so many what if's and could have's. What have i to show. Not much? I needed to get fixed. My thoughts swirled like the dust my vehicle churned up as i sped away from the scouts camp. It hurts, and hurts real bad. It's becoming as increasingly incoherent as this blog entry. And i need help. God, help me. It's gonna get better. I know it will, it can. Posted by lucasho @ 8/15/2004 12:36:00 pm
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Monday, August 09, 2004 |
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happy birthday singapore.
ok i've had a rather good national day break so far. Sent the foursome of jotham dan zan and hannah off to bangkok on sat. lotsa pple were there including kelwin marc jov spence and hannah's posse. nice oreo icecream cake we had before they checked-in and boarded. sunday i trooped with mom and dad and all to pick up matt's glasses... bumped into my former PC there who happens to be the nephew of the optician. small world singapore. anyways arose the question again concerning the possibility of me wearing contacts. For those who have any interest in optics and lenses i have to wear toric ones cos i've got high astigmatism. Which makes the contact lenses that i need pricey. I dunno i don't mind wearing them but all convinced me to put it off till after ns.. gah i'm not vain or anything i'd just like to try something new. Even if it might inconvenience me. today i caught the village with bryan and evan.. it's laughable and occasionally scary. Seriously m. night shayamalam needs new ideas. I guessed the double twist halfway thru. If you can call it a double twist that is. And evan kept saying he didn't wanna pay eight bucks to scare himself. There are a couple of important messages that were to be read here in this film though, like that concerning self-deception. About hiding things from yourself and from others. About choosing to be blind. About the utopian dream. And about how human nature cannot be shut out. All in all the penultimate twist weighed out all the other merits of the flim. And there was a pretty good love story going on too. Two and a half outta five. I'll be back in camp tml. And turning twenty too. But till then i'll just bum around enjoying the last of my furlough before i get wet crossing a river(again!) come wednesday. I've borrowed the London Pigeon Wars by Patrick Neate and Tokien's Middle Earth for Dummies, so those will get me thru till saturday or sunday. Oh yeah, and i need a haircut. i'm still nineteen. Posted by lucasho @ 8/09/2004 10:12:00 pm
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Wednesday, August 04, 2004 |
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Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio He moved a million hearts in mono Our mothers cried and sang along and who'd blame them Now you're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever Go toora loora toora loo rye aye And we can sing just like our fathers Come on Eileen, well I swear (what he means) At this moment, you mean everything With you in that dress my thoughts I confess Verge on dirty Ah come on Eileen These people round here wear beaten down eyes Sunk in smoke dried faces They're so resigned to what their fate is But not us, no not us We are far too young and clever Eileen I'll sing this tune forever Come on Eileen well I swear (what he means) Ah come on, let's take off everything That pretty red dress Eileen (tell him yes) Ah come on Eileen Posted by lucasho @ 8/04/2004 10:10:00 am
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Sometimes you realize you're no longer king of the world; that some things are truly impossible. Once in a while you lose all rationality and become increasingly disenfranchised and your mind slowly becomes tainted with the crap that seeps in from the dark side.
Ignorance is bliss. As you edge ever closer to the cusp of adulthood, it all turns lucid and unreal. I gather my belongings and frown. It's all outta whack. I'm missing something. Like you should have a lot more to account for. But i'm getting there. Right now as i slowly seek to regain what i've squandered, i get by jumping on my bed, singing along to Atomic Kitten and Stacie Orrico, chilling out to John Coltrane on sax and Wes Montgomery's smoothe jazz, reading old issues of Juice. It's gonna be good. I'll find it. I'm getting there. It's all good. whatever. Posted by lucasho @ 8/04/2004 09:52:00 am
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